Prostate Cancer - Telling The Friends And Family
Now to tell “the friends.” I decide to tell the closest 20 friends in the most positive way I can because I feel that at this time I have a positive story to tell that may help others. Because I know a lot of people- and a lot of people know me I figure that only good can come out of it by being honest and I also know that if I don’t let them know the truth as it is, it will be only a matter of time before someone tells them something via the grapevine that is less positive and that wouldn’t do anyone any good. In short, I see it as a small opportunity to strike a small blow for mankind.
I’m still undecided about what to do with my family though as they live in NZ and I live in Australia. As my Father died less than a year ago and her best friend died of cancer just over a year ago I really think Mum’s been through enough of late so I don’t want to tell her about me just yet. I know my Sister will immediately but mildly “freak out” and my brother will be ok- but if I tell one, how can I not tell the other? - or which one should I tell first? I make a decision not to make a decision about them just yet, meantime I will write to the friends in Australia – I write and send the following email –
Hi Friends,
Just to let you know – you can put the black suits and frocks back in the cupboard for now- got word this morning that there is no sign of cancer anywhere else in my body- “it is contained in the prostate”- so the treatments can begin and I stand a good chance (95%) of being cancer – free in five years.
I believe I can at least play a little part in the future, in helping other guys to change entrenched attitudes to getting tested regularly. At this time we still lag 20 years behind the ladies – who have understood the importance of getting “their bits” monitored and checked as a matter of routine. Men have to do the same.
Dan
Ps: sorry to report – I’ve decided I won’t have any more children! 
I get some really nice responses to my email - here are some excerpts of a few of them.
I am ecstatic about your good news.
It could all so easily have gone in another direction, and now I’ll get on my soapbox, Dan, CHANGE YOUR DIET!
Don’t waste this wakeup call - they are rationed you know.
I did not even know you had been diagnosed until now. It is a great relief however to know your cancer is curable and so I won’t have to email you in heaven. “Don’t think they are on line yet!”
My annual check up keeps me from departing this world prematurely.
I decided a long time ago that I will be around to celebrate my 100th anniversary, unless I get done in by the proverbial Bus
Cripes mate – what a shock to J and me! Just as well it was instantly followed by relief! Thank you for sharing your news and wise advice. I’m actually booked in for a check-up in a couple of weeks. We’ve been going through a spate of mates and associates touched by the dreaded big ‘C’ and heart attacks. It does bring one to realise the need to endure regular check-ups and be grateful for every minute of good health! Even though all looks bright my friend – you can count on us should you need support.
Hi Dan. Spoke to Aunty Mo and we agreed we would all spend an all night vigil (with vodka) when we know you are going under the knifette.
Prayers and thoughts - is that OTT - we shall wear bright colours and play Aretha’s ‘Sugar pie honey bunch’in a similar vein to when you both danced across my bed at Glebe all those years ago.
Hi Dan, I spoke to J over the weekend and she told me of your scare.
I am delighted to hear that we have not yet seen Custer’s (I mean Dan’s) last stand. I had a check up myself just a month or so back because a cousin has had a similar problem but not quite such a confined outcome.
My friends are great- and this is a very small sampling of the many that have arrived.
Monday March 5th
I ring
Thursday March 8th
Early evening the phone rings – it’s Mum. She sounds good and is obviously in the mood for a chat. We cover quite a few topics and chat for a good half hour before finally she asks did I remember a Kenny Te Po? Yes I do- he was in my class at school. She tells me he’s died. She saw his death notice in the local paper. Funny I remember him because it’s been fifty years since I last saw him. We both marvel at each other’s memories, but then she does something extraordinary. She says clearly and distinctly, “Now what about you? How exactly is your health?” The question is so direct and so pointed it almost seems like she knows (but I’m sure she doesn’t). I realise I’ve got no option but to come clean. I pause for just a second but its too long and already I hear her drop a tone and say “Oh!”
I find myself sort of stumbling out “Well, Mum, there is something but before I tell you I want you to know its all going to be ok and its not the end of the world ok?” A second “Oh!”
“Fact is I’ve been diagnosed with prostate cancer, but we’ve got it early” and I go on to explain. She takes it all very well- I’m relieved. I don’t want to have to worry about the family or indeed anyone else. At the end of the conversation she asks do I want to tell my brother & sister. I tell her I think it might be best if it comes from her, if she doesn’t mind? She agrees – I’m glad. So much easier because she’s on the spot and I think it will help them if it comes from her rather than the other way around.
I can predict the reactions – a phone call from my sister immediately she finds out- a considered email from my bother several days later.
Friday March 9th
I get an email from my sister…the subject line is: Mum Just Rang
What to say? Hell! Early stages is good Pet. You’ll beat it. Odds are really good when they get it early. Friend’s hubby had it detected early and alls well. Bloody hell, I feel sick. Can I ring you?
I don’t doubt she will ? and she does – and will again.
Saturday March 10th
Sister rings & brother emails (predictions all correct).
Brother’s email –
Sorry to hear the latest report and hope you get through and beyond this unwelcome ‘event’ quickly and smoothly. I do hope you’d sing out if you would want me to come over for support. I’m really not sure what’s involved after these ops but keep us posted. I know you have been talking with Sis and Mum. Probably been putting off ringing so I don’t have to listen to what you will most likely tell me. I know I must go too.
You’ll be pleased to know that whilst writing this I thought ‘bugger it I have to do it’ and have rung and got an appointment for this afternoon. So I will finally get to meet my Dr! First time I’ve been to the Dr since 1996. Just hope it aint a hereditary thing.
I’m not sure what to say except that we are both thinking of you and wish you a speedy recovery.
Love from us both
s & e
Ps: E is going to die of fright tonight when I tell her I’ve been to the Doc!
March 11th
Sister rings
Monday March 12th
Sister rings twice - she’s waiting on news that I’m waiting on. This time I tell her I’m worried that she’s worrying too much- love hearing from her but suggest we take it back a notch. I promise to keep her up to date with regular emails and suggest I would love it if she would call me a little more often than in the past but not quite as much as she’s doing now because its making me feel as though she thinks I’m going to die tomorrow.
Dan Jarrett - one man’s journey battling prostate cancer includes a diary, resources and blog. We look at things in layman’s terms and discuss matters such as sex openly covering things that the medics don’t tell you.
Tags: cancer, family, Friends, prostate, Telling them.
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